1. …your husband, Chris, won’t be at delivery or even in the same state when the big day arrives. Looks like it will be Facetime from Fort Benning in Columbus, Georgia.
2….your mom, Melody, becomes your one and only “Person” allowed into Labor and Delivery with you. It might be scary what Labor Playlist she’ll put together. “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa; “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice. “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. “Get the Party Started,” by Pink. Any more suggestions?
3. …there are no Lamaze classes being held at the hospital for couples. Hope she can still graduate. Who remembers lugging a big pillow through the hospital lobby or OB waiting rooms each week?
4. …baby showers with family and friends are postponed; the new “thing” becomes personal showers with Hibclens and hand sanitizer.
5…. a new mother-daughter bonding experience becomes the sneeze-inducing Covid-19 nasal swab test instead of a relaxing mani-pedi.
6…..you have to go to the rest of your OB appointments and ultrasounds by yourself. There’s no one to revive you after hearing the ultrasound technician say that the baby is off the charts for his gestational age, has facial hair and feet like a Yeti.
7….baby will be arriving home to Grandma Melody and Grandpa Al’s house, along with sis, Carissa, and two dogs, Pono and Rosie. Yes, it’s starting to feel like a twisted episode of House, MD; Bob Villa’s This Old House,; Full House; and even Fuller House, all rolled into a trending Netflix series.
8….your big exercise outing for the week is putting on your PPE’s (Personal Protective Equipment) for a trip to Meijer. Once inside, your favorite piece of exercise equipments has become the sterilized shopping cart to hold for extra balance and strength training. Pushing all that toilet paper takes power!
9….your sister, Carissa, is working on the family’s labor response time by executing delivery drills through “It’s Time” text messages during work hours and fake water breaking gags. We’re proud to announce that Team Kerpe has shaved minutes off of our three-minute drive to Delnor! Hospital.
10….mom discovers that the best advantage. by far, is the fact that wearing your N95 face masks together confuses nurses in Labor and Delivery about your actual age. We’ve been asked if I was Calla’s friend from school or her sister. Believe me! It’s better than being carded buying wine at Trader Joe’s and they can’t even see us laughing!!!
